Realize
by Lovely Little Loser
Summary: Soemtimes it takes a tragedy to realize what matters the most in your life.


**A/N:** **I posted this already, but it got deleted so I re typed it and I'm reposting it as a one shot. Hope it's okay and sorry I don't have the chance to make it into the full length story I intended it to be. Hope you all enjoy!**

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><p>"Zuko, are you alright?" My head turned to the direction of where the voice was coming from. It was Katara. She stood a few feet from where I was sitting near the turtle-duck pond. Her blue eyes which were usually filled with optimism and joy were now full of sympathy. I hated the fact that she was feeling pity for me. I gave her a look that made her flinch before I replied.<p>

"I think you can answer that yourself," I muttered in a harsh tone. My voice had a certain sharpness to it that I hadn't originally intended, but Katara didn't seem to care. In fact, she merely came closer to me, as if she had already anticipated this. Most people knew better than to come up to me when I was in a bad mood. I admired her courage for staying.

"I know you're hurting Zuko." Her voice was so quiet, so small. This was a side of Katara that I had rarely ever seen before. The vulnerable side of her. As bad as it sounds I liked her better this way than when she was strong. It gave me a feeling of power, like for once I didn't have to pretend to be stronger than someone because now I actually was.

"I just don't understand," I said. "Why? Why in the world would Mai commit suicide?" The air was still for a moment after that. Mai had ended her life only three weeks before. The last thing she said to me was that she loved me, even though she didn't always show it. I can't remember if I said I loved her back. All I do remember is Mai smiling genuinely when she said it, a bittersweet kind of sorrow in her eyes. I thought I was imaging it, but a part of me knew something was wrong. I wish I would have acted sooner. I could have stopped her. But I didn't, and I can't change anything about it now.

"Don't blame yourself Zuko," Katara said. Her voice was so low that it was barely a whisper. She sat next to me and placed a hand on my shoulder. I shrugged it off instantly. How could Katara possibly think I couldn't blame myself? All my life, all I did was make mistake after mistake. There was no conceivable way this couldn't be my fault.

"Katara, Mai killed herself. She's _dead_. What am I supposed to do? I told her I'd protect her and I'd never let anyone hurt her. And I just stood there and let her kill herself." Katara was silent afterward. I knew that now she was contemplating what to say to me. I could feel her looking at me but I didn't return her gaze. I was so ashamed of myself I could hardly think straight.

"Zuko... Look at me. Please." I could her Katara's pleading tone and I turned to face her. She pressed her hand to my left cheek, where my scar is. I tried not to flinch but shivers ran down my spine as her hand trailed down my face, to my neck and collarbone, finally stopping at my chest.

"What are you doing?" I asked her. I had to hold my breath for a minute to keep my composure.

"Right here is the scar you got for me," Katara replied. I stared at her for a moment in awe. Her hand was placed right in the center of the scar and in that instant everything around me disappeared. It was like I was back in the Agni Kai with Azula fighting for the throne and in a split second I had chosen to put my life on the line for Katara. Katara, a girl I had barely known. A girl had hated me for a majority of the time she'd known me. But all it took was a second for me to realize that I'd die for her. But before she'd let me die, she'd risk everything for me too.

"I know," was all I said. It had been nearly six months since the Agni Kai, and between ruling the Fire Nation and Mai's recent passing, I'd barely seen any of the gang unless they personally came to look for me. After hearing about Mai's death the others came to stay for a while to mourn, excluding Sokka and Suki who were still rebuilding the Southern Water Tribe and wouldn't be able to come around for another couple of weeks. Even with others there I still felt alone, but Katara was quickly changing that.

"Mai's seen all your scars Zuko. I don't think she'd be able to see you with another." For a moment we just sat and stared at one another. The sun was setting but I knew I wouldn't get any sleep. I hadn't in almost a month.

"How can you stand to see all my scars?" I asked. Katara shrugged. Her dark chocolate hair framed her face and made her look a little bit older than she was, although fighting in a war may have added to her maturity.

"You got one of them for me didn't you?" she asked plainly. "The least I can do is try to heal them as best I can." I nodded and broke eye contact with her, turning to look at the pond. The turtle-ducks were swimming around in circles and quacking like mad; it was a bit infuriating. I sighed audibly.

"I can't help but wonder if Mai killed herself because I never got a scar for her," I said. I had meant to keep that thought to myself. Katara looked at me in shock, her mouth hanging open the slightest bit. She immediately turned my face so that I was forced to look into her eyes.

"Don't you dare think such a thing! Mai loved you! I may not know why she wanted to end her life but there's no way it's because you didn't love her enough!" I looked down at the grass. I couldn't stand this conversation. My girlfriend killed herself for Agni's sake. And no matter how much I still loved her nothing could bring her back to life.

"Katara, I know it's true. I didn't treat her as well as I could have and she just couldn't live that way..." I could feel tears in my eyes. I was the one who should have died. Back when I took lightning for Katara. Mai deserved to live, and be happy with someone that wouldn't have let her do something so horrible.

"Zuko... I understand what it's like to have someone's blood on your hands," Katara said.

"Really?" I asked sarcastically. "And how would you know this?"

"My mother died protecting me. I know what it's like to feel like you're a murderer... But believe me when I tell you, there's nothing you could have done." Katara said. I could see her eyes were filled sadness and grief. I understood her story, I honestly did. But it was different. She was a child when her mother passed; small and weak. I'm the leader of an entire nation and I couldn't even protect the one girl I had ever loved.

"You were powerless then... You were just a child..." I muttered. "It's different and you know it."

"Zuko, you know what I'm trying to say."

"Maybe you should listen to what _I'm _trying to say." I retorted bitterly. Katara shot me a wicked glare. I could tell I was starting to annoy her, not that I really cared. I hadn't asked for her pity, and this was her punishment. She needed to know that the world wasn't as beautiful and magnificent as she thought she could make it, and one way or another I'd teach this to her.

"Please then. Tell me what in the world you are trying to tell me," Katara said. Her hair was violently swishing around as she spoke, with a few strands hanging lazily in her face. She looked absolutely breath taking at this moment. Instead of her normal Water Tribe attire, she'd adopted Fire Nation robes to try and fit in with the nobles. Her clear blue eyes contrasted greatly with the long scarlet robes that clung to her curved body. The only thing other than her physical appearance that gave away her nationality was the pendent she had gotten from her mother after the tragic accident. I realized that I was taking awfully long to respond and forced myself to stay focused on the conversation.

"I'm trying to say that you and I are two different people. You know exactly what the right thing to do is and you go to amazing lengths to do it. All I do is make mistake after mistake. I'm not even fit to run my nation. These people Katara, they've been fighting in a war for a century. And every single one of them is counting on me, to stop rebellions. Counting on me, to keep us out of poverty. Counting on me, to protect them. How can they expect all this, when I couldn't protect the closest person to me?" I demanded. Katara was silent as she took in everything I said.

"You're strong. You know that, I know that, and your people know that. You're strong and everyone respects that. I know you're not perfect Zuko. But you want to know something? You have so much soul, and passion, and love to offer, and you don't even realize it." I stared at Katara with wide eyes, but she continued, her voice filled with confidence.

"I can't figure it out either," she continued. "You have this mangled image of yourself... as if you think you're a monster. But you're not. You're so loving and just so... So beautiful." I was speechless. I had never expected Katara to say such a thing about me. Even with our friendship, this was still so foreign. I racked my brain for something, anything to say, but I drew a blank. Taking advantage of my silence, Katara moved closer to me and pressed her body against mine. I realized that this was her way of trying to comfort me and cautiously, I wrapped my arms around her. I took in her scent, it was so wonderful. Her delicate fingers my circles on my chest, playing with the thin fabric that separated us. She seemed as though she wanted to know that I was okay with this. I kissed her forehead in response.

"You are so much more beautiful than words can ever describe," I whispered in her ear. "Everything about you is so strange and different. I love it, even if I can't explain it." Katara giggled and intertwined her fingers with mine. I liked this. Being close to her was so amazing... Different from being with Mai, but if there's anything I had learned from Katara, it's that differences can be good.

"Zuko, I know you're feeling like it's your fault, but you couldn't have changed anything. I just wish you'd learn to love yourself the way I do." My heart skipped a beat as Katara spoke. It was true, we had a sort of platonic love for each other. I guess saving her life may have helped build our closeness, but this was different. This wasn't like planning a conspiracy, or camping out in the outskirts of the Fire Nation. This was Katara telling me she loved me. I reached for her wrists instinctively. I could see the goose bumps that lined upon my arm, giving away my nervousness. I gently pulled Katara's hands and kissed her palms softly.

"I love you Katara," I murmured. We could both hear the uncertainty in my voice. I didn't mean for it to be platonic anymore, but at the same time I knew I wasn't emotionally ready for anything more. But when I was Katara would be there. Katara leaned forward and I followed her lead until we both pressed our lips to one another. This wasn't a perfect kiss. It was slow and simple. Mai's kisses were definite and passionate. Katara's kiss was innocent, something she must have learned from Aang. We parted after a few moments, but my heart was racing. Whatever we had, whatever we were going to call this, it was amazing.

"Zuko... kiss me again," Katara said quietly. I obliged without hesitation. Actually, I was sure that I would've kissed her again even if she hadn't asked me too. I carefully placed a hand on her smooth cheek, caressing her perfect skin.

"You are so beautiful," I reminded her. Katara smiled as her cheeks flushed red. She was so lovely, I couldn't stand it. I barely had a second to think before she forced me back with another kiss. This was not what friends did. I could hardly breath or think, but as soon as our lips parted, I realized three important things. The first was that Katara was the best friend I ever had, and I needed her in my life. The second was that I would always love Mai, but not in the same way I loved Katara. The third realization hit me hard and I couldn't control the burning need to make sure Katara knew. Without thinking, the three words left my lips and before I could think it through I whispered in her ear,

"I love you."

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><p><strong>Hope you liked it! Leave a review!<strong>


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